i don't know if it will ever feel right to be responsible for producing the thanksgiving day meal. it seems like a very adult & maternal thing to be doing. while i can have maternal leanings from time to time, i've not been a mother & lord knows, i doubt my adult-ness frequently. it may be that others do, also. but here i am, at the beach in the outer banks preparing a thanksgiving meal. for the past 6 years, danny & i have come to the outer banks for thanksgiving week. many years ago, my friend, jane, owed the sweetest little cottage in kitty hawk. we'd come every friday after thanksgiving & stay for the weekend, starting in 1986 or so. then my family began to rent a place for the week & we did that until 1992. after we got sadie, danny & i decided to start renting our own place & hosting my parents. we've done it ever since. the first couple years, mom & dad came down, as did our friends chuck & betsy. a couple years later, donna & george became part of the tradition. the first part of the week is for danny & i alone & then on tuesday, everyone else comes- usually that is how it works.
last year, mom & dad could not come- dad was in the rehab facility & mom stayed with him. we had plans for them to join us this year- we would pick them up on the way down & take them back. dad had some problems earlier this fall, which set him back some & it wasn't prudent for them to come, which makes us sad. even though we didn't have them last year, somehow it feels emptier this year. i think i've only had maybe five thanksgivings without my parents. when my sister moved to illinois, that was a big adjustment- we'd always had thanksgiving together- that was strange, too. i guess it's all part of growing up.
when i was first out of college, i put together a couple of thanksgivings- but that didn't feel adult. probably because it took a couple of attempts to finally get the giblets, etc out of the bird & bake it proper. one year we had to use danny's drill with a beater attached to mash the potatoes (that was the year before we got married- we had friends over that year & got LOTS of mixers as wedding gifts!). although we had thanksgiving without my parents, my sister was always with us.
this adult thing eludes me often. when i was with my niece in chicago the other weekend, it would crop up. she is living in wrigleyville, about two blocks from wrigley field, with two of her friends from college. many of her UI friends have moved to chicago. she lives in a great area in a rehabbed brownstone on the third floor (that hurt, even with my lighter packing). we'd be walking along & i'd catch my reflection, peripherally, in a store window & wonder for a moment who that was. i'm 60 lbs heavier (& have been for about 6 years now- still not used to it- at least 30 lbs before that from my pre quit smoking weight) & older & have short hair & the hugest butt OMG!!! how did i get here? & where did all those years go? admittedly i have some wisdom & some stuff (i can't move in a u-haul anymore) & a mortgage- but still... even more important, i hope i'm using these years now wisely, because one day i'll see my reflection & the same thought will occur- except i'll be looking back on my 50's .... what do i want to be looking back on & was i happy with how i was living?
& the reality is i am in my 50's & i try to live in a mode of awareness - here is the view from this morning- i woke at 5am unable to sleep & came out the living room so as not to wake danny- i sat on the deck with sadie & appreciated the incredible colors that came with it.
& here is the pre-dinner photo- our small gathering for our thanksgiving day meal- danny & i with our good friends, george & donna (donna has the distinction of being the friend that danny brought home- )
& i'll round out this post with the end of the day- sunset over the sound & plenty of thoughts of gratitude as i prepare to call family & connect over the miles...... & miss being with them & also having a deep appreciation for the friends that have become family.....
happy thanksgiving to all...
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