things that scare me

one of the things that i love about having a blog with no real focus is that it has no real focus & one of the things that is hard & difficult about a blog with no real focus is..... it has no real focus. that frees me up to write about pretty much anything. so before i share some thoughts on things that scare me, i thought i'd share some thoughts on "why blog?"

i have come to realize that blogging on a topic helps me to think better & deeper. it is a form of introspection, albeit in a public forum. whether or not anyone reads this, it takes the form of a conversation & thus there is a different dimension than i get from journaling. it can be self-absorbed & often is. hopefully, at times, it provides me a means to entertain. blogging allows me to play with writing & expressing myself. & today's is a bit more introspective than usual.

that said...

i fulfilled a long wished-for desire this month when i jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. i've wanted to skydive for a very long time now. i'm not sure why. it seemed like it would be quite the rush. & that it would feel empowering at some level. my opportunity arose late last spring. my good friend, suzi, invited me to with her & some other neighborhood friends to drive down to florida to see another friend. ev had lived in the neighborhood & was part of a group we once had focused on being healthier called the goodbodies. suzi had gone to visit ev for the last 4 years & this year, in celebration of ev's 80th birthday, she & ev were going skydiving. boy, did my ears perk up! an opportunity was presenting itself. i had wanted to with suzi, et al last year, but had a scheduling conflict. & this year they were going skydiving!!!! bonus round! & suzi & nancy jo like to drive, so that meant i would be a passenger in the car for 10+ hours- that means uninterrupted knitting with none to very few distractions & lots of conversation during knitting. double bonus round!!!!

we got to florida & made reservations for our dive. ev decided to wait until the end of month when her actual birthday was & when all four of her children would be there to do the dive, so it was just suzi & i. the whole reason this came up at all is that within 5 minutes of ev & bob's house in deland was skydive deland. skydive deland developed the tandem jump, which is what we would be doing. you are literally attached to an experienced diver & jump together, with one parachute. both suzi & i ended up some pretty cute tandem pals.

here is suzi & i after we were outfitted & also a picture with our gal pals & former goodbodies. ev is not in that picture, unfortunately.

here is a picture of ev with nancy- aren't they both beautiful?

here are some shots from the dive itself. i cannot describe what an exhilirating feeling it was! we flew to 14,000 feet for the jump. then freefall for about 5,000 feet at about 110 - 120 mph. after that, the parachute is opened (buzz kill!) & you float purposefully toward your landing spot. it's actually kind of noisy during the freefall with the wind whipping around & everyone has a don king hairdo. it's very quiet once the chute opens. we could see orlando from where we dove. it's quite an experience to take that step out of the plane- i didn't know what to do with my hands. i just wanted to shout "woo hoo" all the way down (maybe i did). i wasn't all that nervous as i was just imagining it would be incredible. and it was. i'm wanting to do it again. i want to do it alone this time, though. they offer an accelerated freefall- you take class for about 6 hours & then jump by yourself. there are some safety features built in (i'm not sure of the details). it's kind of helpful at this stage to not focus too much on the details- the waiver form you sign is rather intimidating. they repeatedly remind you that death can be a side effect. i didn't read half of it. i understood that i wasn't holding them liable for anything from a hangnail to my demise. if i think about the potential consequences, i just get paralyzed, so i don't think about them. an immature, but effective, strategy.

i don't look like i'm having much fun, do i? i look scared, huh? & don't you love that don king hairdo?

an amazing experience. & stepping out of a perfectly good airplane is one of the things that scare me (at least intellectually). i just wanted to experience that moment where you are at the door & looking out at the sky & the ground below you & thinking, do i.......? it isn't at the top of the list, though.

other things that scare me

1. rollercoasters

2. snakes

3. snakes

4. snakes

5. jellyfish in the ocean

6. big snakes

7. being true to myself when it is not the popular or majority choice

8. little snakes

9. knitting a lace pattern

10. not drinking

11. going to my 35th high school reunion

how's that for a segueway?

this month, which although scorchingly hot & humid, was a month of significant events. on august 6th, i celebrated my 25th anniversary of the last time i took a drink. talk about things that scare me!!! i couldn't imagine a life without alcohol. i was scared i wouldn't be fun anymore & no one would want to hang around with me. i was scared i would be bored to tears. i was scared i wouldn't have fun any more. i was scared i would fail at it. simultaneously, i was scared to continue drinking. it didn't work well for me. i was incapable of moderation at drinking. & this conclusion was reached after years & years of trying to moderate my alcohol intake. & here i am at 25 years of sobriety. let me put that into perspective. when i quit drinking, fancy wine was liebfraumilch or blue nun. mateus was a mid-range wine. there were no microbreweries. we were excited when coors came east b/c they could refrigerate it in distribution. there were, of course, international beers available. lowenbrau, st. pauli girl & heineken constituted the upper end of the brewski market. i remember drinking elephants (a danish export) when we used to got the brickskeller in the district, or the cellar door.

they did not have pre-mixed cocktails as they do now. how convenient that would have been! it does seem amazing to me that it has been 25 years. & i have continued to have fun, be fun & people still seem to hang around with me (actually probably more than when i was drinking, truth be told). i've not been bored.

the other scary thing i did this month was go to my 35th high school class reunion. now i was not what you would call popular in high school. i did know some people. my graduating class was 500. my sister was two grades below me; my brother two grades above me, so that i also knew a lot of people that were not in my class. & boy have i gained weight, even since our last reunion i attended 10 years ago. that was the scariest part. so i went with my girlfriend i've known most of my life & we had fun. we left kind of early. there weren't a lot of folks i knew & i'd already put in time standing around & feeling awkward when i was in high school. so i decided after i saw & talked to the folks i knew that i no longer needed to stand around & feel awkward. hallalejah! i love being able to make those choices today!

so an exciting month with things that have required i go to the edge of my comfort zone. & you know, one of the nice things about getting older is that i get more & more comfortable going to that edge.

road trip

it's been a while since i've done a road trip. & i've got another one coming up next week to florida. road trips are glorious because i can knit if i'm not driving. apparently, i'm a better passenger than i am a driver b/c most folks are happy to sit behind the wheel & let me "passenger." last week, i flew to indianapolis & met my sister to drive back with her as she made her way to virginia. so i had several days with long stretches of mostly uninterrupted knitting. kathy & i had three days to get to virginia & no schedule. it's about a 15 hour drive from indy to richmond.


we decided to take the route that would swing us by portsmouth, ohio. my mother grew up in portsmouth. both sets of her great-grandparents were immigrated from germany & married & settled in portsmouth, ohio. as a matter of fact, the four families that comprise both sets of grandparents have been marrying at st. mary's catholic church in portsmouth ever since. uncle johnny broke the tradition by marrying elsewhere in ohio. i have a church pew from st. mary's church that i got from my mother when they downsized last year. it feels pretty special. my sister & i noticed that there was another catholic church in town, closer to the home my mom grew up in & i asked mom about that. she said that was the irish catholic church & that they weren't allowed to go there. that was for the irish catholics. back then a german catholic marrying an irish catholic was a mixed marriage. st mary's appears to be in pretty good shape & is an active parish today. as active as anything in portsmouth, ohio appears to be.





portsmouth is a river town along the ohio river. my grandpa owned a hardware store with his uncles that was started by his father. floods were a fact of life in portsmouth. the big flood was in 1937 (my mom was 13 years old). this picture shows the water mark for 1937. now they have a flood wall that surrounds the town. kind of like closing the barn door after the cows got out.


grandma & grandpa built a house. not up on the hill where the wealthier families lived, but down closer to town. they built a house that was impressive; however, mom said it was in the wrong part of town. mom said they were house poor. they built a duplex so that my mom's grandpa could live next door. by the time we came along, grandpa sommer had long been dead & grandma had converted the house to two apartments. betty lived upstairs & always had candy for us when we would come to visit. we went to portsmouth every summer until i was about 9 years old. that was when we started going to nagshead for our family vacations. but back to portsmouth. i remember my grandmother braiding my hair on the back porch when i was a little girl.

my brother, sister & i would play canasta for days when we visited portsmouth. we could up on the second floor & find my mom's old toys & furniture. portsmouth was the first time we encountered poor people. there were lots of kids, always dirty & without shirts & supervision. lots of dogs roaming around too. we were able to walk to a grocery store by going down the alley- mr. trigg's store. we would go & buy candy with money from grandma & grandpa. kathy & i would talk jibberish in the hopes that mr. triggs would think that we were foreign. it was so cool to walk down there by ourselves. my grandfather loved to work with wood & we all grew up with a deep appreciation for wood, quality & old things. i remember the smell of all the oak in grandma's house- the doors, especially. many warm memories. here are some old photos of my mom's family in front of 5th at adams. don't you just love my mom's hat in the second photo? although it may seem an obvious question as to who my mother is in the photo (she's on the far right), upon a second glance grandma's hat is rather fetching as well, don't you think? that pic was taken in 1944.





grandma moved to a retirement home in northern virginia in 1976. i hadn't been to portsmouth since 1969 when my grandfather died. we went to portsmouth in 1996 to bury my grandmother, who died one month short of her 100th birthday. we went by house- 5th at adams- & my mother, aunt & uncle were just heartbroken. windows were broken, the house was in general disrepair. they were so sad. they made another trip in 2001 & learned that the house had recently been purchased by a young couple who had plans to fix it up. mom left from that trip hopeful that the house might be improved.


so kathy & i decided to drive by the house & were delighted to find that the young couple had been true to their word. we knocked on the door only to find no one home. many improvements had been undertaken & the house looked so much better. portsmouth is a relatively depressed town- it did not look like much was vital there. mom said it hasn't been the same since the shoe factory left. it was a former manufacturing town (selby shoes & us shoe used to have plants there). it is like so many small towns in our country, gasping for life & somehow managing to stay alive. i drive through them or by them & look with appreciation upon the stately old homes, mourning their past glory. & each of those homes holds memories for someone. my grandmother was a true german- she sadly had no sense of humor & the most tender thing i remember about her is when she used to braid my hair while my mom shucked corn, all of us sitting on the back porch.


so the town is dying & probably has been for a long time, but 5th at adams has found some new life. it will always live on in me, of course. everytime i look at the church pew, or my grandmother's dining room table in my dining room or the side table from her house in the living room. today these things have a history that is known & stories that still get told- one day soon they won't.

ODW (objets de desir) wednesday on a saturday

today i decided to tackle home decor. i have scoured the internet for some cool items & objects that i covet. i hope you enjoy.

i've always loved home decor & have often thought how fun it would be to be an interior designer. it's so fun to play with houses, don't you think? my mother has always had a good eye for such things. she was furnishing her home with antiques when it was sooo uncool. i remember my friend's houses were furnished with suites of furniture, all bought at once & very match-y. i used to wish my mother would have the sense to furnish our home in such a manner. luckily, i grew out of this phase quickly. i came to love my mother's ability to put things together. here is a picture of her bedroom in their retirement apartment, which they moved into a year and a half ago. we hadn't put the pictures on the wall yet.

here is mom's bathroom. she loved my closet room so much that she wanted to use the same color in her bathroom in the new apartment. this is the robin egg blue from the tiffany & co box. i think it is rather striking. we had lowe's color match it for us.

now for the little pretties i found in my searches.

anyone who has been to my house knows i'm a sucker for a good chandelier. my chandelier lady & i believe your happiness can be measured by the number of chandeliers in your home. my obsession started when i decided i wanted a chandelier in my kitchen. i wasn't going to rest until i had one. now all my kitchen lights are chandeliers. as a matter of fact, i think it's time to change one or two of them & switch it up a bit. that's the problem with "collecting" chandeliers- it has distinct limits. i've always wanted one for my office. we have those acoustical tile ceilings, so that won't work. perhaps i could use this as a substitue- no hanging involved. this is one of those vinyl wall decals. i think it would look great on my dark barn red walls at my office, don't you?

i've seen this artist's work in various catalogues & really like it. she takes the pages of old books (often in german) & fancies them up with various sayings. this is one of my favorites. i don't know what it is about them that is so appealing- i just like them. the artist is kim smith, the company is smith & co & the website is www.vintagesmith.com.

i have wanted this table for a long time. it's right up there with the iconic ghost chair by phillipe stark.
in my mind, i've seen the ghost chair pulled up to my antique drop-leaf walnut dining room table. i like the contrast. i've wanted these chairs ever since i can remember. when we were little, my sister & i used to play with our matchbox series. my mom had this great florally designed rug that had a design that worked for streets & houses. we used to pick our houses & i would rip pages out of magazines to decorate them. the ghost chair was always a fave (i forget the year it came out) and the bruer chair another standby. i like to live in space that is fun & has a sense of humor. a house should smile. i think that is way the illusion table appeals to me. for some reason, i smile when i see it.

these are some upholstered pieces that i liked. nothing better than taking an antique item & upholstering it a contemporary fabric, like the red love seat above. it kind of pops. & the black & white is never a bad combo- always works, always will.

i love this old baby bath. it could be a great planter. with glass on top, a console table. a good item for a screened porch. a magazine holder? a catch-all? it has a sweetness to it i like. any other ideas?

first up is alessi's pito water kettle by frank gehry (1992). the wood is mahogany. quite elegant, don't you think? frank gehry has recently started designing for tiffany & co, doing the fish series. nice lines, clean & smooth. it makes me want to have a cup of tea just to pour the hot water. should you be considering this little pretty, be prepared to drop $400.

this falls into the sense of humor category. a fruit bowl, made of ...... fruit. kind of cool, huh? & it does pull forth a smile.

& my piece de resistance- ta-da. drum roll..... you supply the books- he makes the table. you can do a theme- travel books, favorite books, books about a topic that appeals to you. endless possibilities abound. i love this idea. this retails for about $1800. in the worst thing a blogger can do, i failed to make a note of the source of this way cool item & now i cannot locate it. i will keep searching. i need to start remembering to make note of the sources of things.

so that's the latest & greatest for this week in home decor. who knows what ODW/S may target next week- perhaps ODW/S may move to a bi-weekly or monthly format- it is rather time intensive & even our uber consumer culture has some limits on the types of stuff that are consumable. we'll have to see.

happy decorating!