noticing nature

i've never really been one to notice nature. i have a hard time telling the difference between a hawk & other kinds of large birds. i can tell the difference between a cardinal & a robin, if i'm close enough. one of my favorite memories is when a mother robin nested outside in the large tree in our backyard. one of our back windows gave us a perfect view of her nest. danny, who notices nature all the time (because he slows down enough to notice it) called me up there one day. it was raining kind of hard & there was the mother robin, with her wings spread to cover her babies from the rain. who wouldn't want that kind of mother? i just love that picture in my mind. 

what has brought this noticing nature to my mind is that we are now vacationing at topsail island, our 20th year with friends who introduced us to this wonderful little haven. they have been coming for forty years or so. topsail beach, in the southern part of topsail island, is not particularly developed & is quite lovely. it reminds me of the outer banks about 25 years ago. quite relaxing. topsail island is located in southern north carolina, toward the very end of the barrier islands of north carolina. 

janet, who comes with us every year, is a true "noticer of nature."she brought to our attention how quiet the beach is this year. & then i noticed. the beach is very quiet. & there are almost no birds. no seagulls, really. no pelicans. not any of the screeching so common to the beach from the seagulls. almost eerie. one of sadie's favorite activities is chasing the seagulls on the beach. there are none to chase. i'm not sure i would have noticed this on my own. it might have eventually occurred to me that there were no seagulls for sadie to chase or that it was very quiet, other that the waves. well, here is the story & it's an ugly one. it has to do with the brown pelican, a federally protected species. 

in november of 2010, dead pelicans began to wash up ashore on topsail island & eventually, the count was about 200 by the end of january 2011. april 2011 saw the arrival of more dead & maimed pelicans. many of the birds had broken or slashed wings. some had been shot, decapitated or stabbed, or had their wings cut off. some had survived & were euthanized. the us dept. of game & inland fisheries was pulled in as a part of the investigation, as was nc wildlife resources commission. the birds were sent to the university of georgia for autopsy. the conclusion was no human involvement, according to one news source. 

in december of 2011, another wave of dead pelicans began to wash ashore, in similar conditions to the first. the numbers were about the same- eventually hitting about 250 - 300, i think. a meeting was held with all the parties in the investigation. it was a closed meeting. journalists were unable to obtain the autopsy results because, as with humans, they fell under the privacy act & were not subject to the FOI act. university officials said that the autopsy results belonged to the state of north carolina & they had not given permission for the results to be released. 

of course, the folks who were finding the maimed birds felt it defied imagination that the initial results indicated that there was no human involvement when they were seeing slashed wings, wings that were cut off, pelicans with pellets in them that had clearly been shot, decapitated & stabbed birds - i can see their point. it continues to be a mystery. the birds appear to be killed in clusters & wash ashore in clusters. a very sad tale. & one thing we keep learning again & again- nature is very interdependent. so apparently no pelicans means no seagulls. & that means a quiet beach. all this with 1 1/2 years. stunning. & the beach being so quiet is kind of eerie. 

while we have been here this week, we have been getting quite excited when we see pelicans flying. usually in groups of 5 - 7. rarely more. we've seen a few formations this week. & i've noticed them every time. there's hope for me yet. 

 caveat: i'm sure that some of the timelines of this story may not be quite right. it was hard to sift through all the articles  put them in the proper order. my apologies for any errors.

remembering dad (warning: a long post)

well, i've passed a milestone. i've lost a parent. my dad died 4.2.2012 at 91 years old. he lived a long, rich & full life & died a peaceful death surrounded by family & love. we were able to talk before he died. i don't think there's much more one can ask for in this life. here's a photo of dad i've titled "jaunty dad." this was taken while dad was a young man in the navy. during that time, he was a flight instructor. the truth is we've been letting go of my father in bits & pieces over the last 4 or 5 years as his health has failed. he was still one sharp cookie, though & we had many conversations- about the economy, politics, spiritual beliefs, his childhood & just life in general. i had decided some time ago that by the time my parents died, i wouldn't know them just as parents- i wanted to have a sense of them as people- i'm glad i did that. i learned a lot. 

my dad went into hospice care about a week before he died. i went down to williamsburg the day after he went into hospice & spent a couple hours with just the two of us. on the way home & over the next couple days, i found myself doing some therapeutic writing. as it turns out, it became a eulogy that i read (with the support of my brother should i fail to maintain composure) at his service. i've included it below with some photos. thanks for allowing me to share my dad with you. 

Remembering Dad

I want to start with a quote I found by Clare Ortega, which I shared with my sister once as a part of a Christmas gift I made for her.

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family grief and joys. We live outside the touch of time.

To some extent, this is also true of our parents. As I saw my father age & watched time performed its thievery, I was reminded of this quote. I watched Dad slowly make his way down the hall with his walker & oxygen & I thought to myself this is only part of the him- when I look at him, I don’t see only an elderly man shuffling & inching his way to get where he’s going. I see also the younger man with three young children, a Ballantine beer in his hand, going down the slide of our swing set (& I’m not talking the sturdy wood swing sets of today built to withstand earthquakes & hurricanes- no I’m talking about the hollow metal swing sets where if you swing high enough, one of the four feet lifts up with you). I see him going down that teeny slide with our neighbor Jack Craddock smiling that toothy grin the whole time. I remember & see my Dad who would hula hoop in the yard with my brother Tommy. I see & remember my Dad who was always up for a game of basketball with my brother & the neighborhood kids.  

I see & remember the man who loved his work. Just a few months ago, shortly after the Jackie Kennedy Onassis papers were released, we were talking about the assassination of JFK. My dad said he remembered coming back from lunch & seeing LBJ on TV taking the oath of office & hearing the news from Dallas for the first time & the first thing he thought of was ‘ how does /how will the assassination of a President affect the economy? the business environment? There’s a story here- I need to get on it.’ He looked at Danny & I & said isn’t that awful- the first thing I thought of was the economy & the impact on the economy. It wasn’t until later all the other feelings & thoughts came along- the sadness, the grief, the lost life of a potentially great young man.

I see & remember the man who couldn’t pack a trunk. This quirk of Dad’s created a routine for our vacation preparations. Everything to be put in the car was laid on the ground. Cigarettes were smoked, the coffee was poured & the spatial elements were carefully considered & studied. After about fifteen minutes (usually equivalent to a cup of coffee) he would come into the house, light up a cigarette, shake his head & make the announcement, unequivocally that “it wasn’t going to fit.” In the case of vacations, this proclamation began the process of eliminating objects that weren’t going on vacation. I can hear my mother now- “OH, TOM….” There were occasions the packing was for the purpose of going away to college & the declaration initiated the decision-making process-decide right now what was staying at home- this was usually declared in a loud & very no-nonsense voice that sounded quite challenging. Voices were raised, tears were shed & then Kathy or I would go pack the trunk & everything would somehow fit. I realize now, as an adult, these many years later, & that my dad didn’t just “transition” well. Change did not come easy for him.

            

                 our last family picture with the 5 of us in october 2011

I see & remember the dad who loved his kids & his wife. My mother said that if my father had his way, he would have called us every night. She said she would often have to remind that he had just spoken with us the night before. So often, I sit with clients in my office who tell me that they’ve never been told by their parents “I love you” or I’m proud of you.” That was not the case in our home. We knew we were loved & were told were loved, especially in our adult years. I remember the Dad who adored my mother. It seemed to me growing up that they generally had a good time together. There were often many friends around & our home was often a home of laughter. Especially in our adult years, we never had to wonder how Dad felt about us- he made it clear he was proud of us & that he loved us. Every day I sit in my office with people in pain about their family life & things said & unsaid- how did we get so lucky?

1981- the party after my wedding reception

I see & remember the dad who loved the ocean. Boy, did it bring out the kid in him. We vacationed in the Outer Banks every summer for years. He would get out there & body surf for hours when we were kids. He loved to go out in the waves with Tommy & Kathy; me, I wasn’t so much for the ocean water. It was one year at the Outer Banks that my father earned his mid-life family nickname- Big Daddy. It was lifted directly from ‘Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.’ We were generally at the Outer Banks when his birthday came in August & one year we took a king-sized bed sheet, some spray paint & created our own birthday card- Lordy, lordy, ain’t it fine; Big Daddy is sixty-nine.

Our cottage that year faced the beach road & we surprised him by hanging it over the front balcony. We left it hanging there for a week. Dad said he was down on the beach one day & some one said something about it to him- “I wonder who that Big Daddy is?”  “I don’t know, “ Dad told the man, smiling from ear to ear as he recounted the story to us. You knew he just loved it & would never admit it.

One of his other favorite pastimes was fishing. I’d go out on the head boat with him sometimes or he’d get a pass & go visit the pier several times a day. I doubt my father’s fishing pole hit the water much. Mostly he liked to walk up & down the pier & talk to everyone- what’re you catching? Where are your from? How long you been coming to the Outer Banks? & on & on. He was always finding out about others, rarely talking about himself. He loved to chat to strangers & yet was a very private man. I’m not even sure he even liked fishing all that much - I think he just liked an excuse to talk to people.

I see & remember the Dad that loved being a Grandpa. He adored Grace, Caitlin & Daniel & they adored him. My parents were very involved grandparents when the kids were young. He was always ready to spend some time with his grandchildren & give them attention.

of course, the grandchildren are all adults now. my dad was so proud of them.

I see & remember the Dad & the man who was kind & compassionate. It was a very rare occasion that I ever heard my father say anything unkind or mean about anyone. He gave people the benefit of the doubt & tended to believe the best of people. On the very rare occasions when I heard my father say something unkind, I would think to myself that they must have done something pretty awful for him feel as he did. And the few times that he did say some thing unkind, it usually involved some sort of a significant moral transgression.

I remember the dad who had a vocabulary of smiles. Many have commented that he always had a smile. What many didn’t know was that he had a range of smiles. There was the sly smile- “I know I just got caught at something”- let’s face it, my dad was a good guy- but he wasn’t a saint! There was the “I’m doing something goofy” smile. There was the authentic sincere open smile- “I’m happy to be here & happy to see you” smile. The “you’re in big trouble”smile. The “I’m proud of you smile.” He did always have a smile. A big toothy smile.

As I said earlier, his nickname in the family was Big Daddy. Shortly after he entered hospice, I was sitting with just him & talking with him about our family & some memories. I said that I would miss my Big Daddy- he patted his belly & smiled. Not so much Big Daddy anymore, he whispered. You’ll always be Big Daddy to me, I said. What I thought & didn’t say was you will always be big to me. You’ll always be someone I look up to when it comes to tough decisions. You’ll always be someone I think about when I’m faced with tough moral or ethical choices. You’ll always be the man who was willing to listen to the Grateful Dead so that you could teach me about Stephan Grapelli & Django Reinhardt & Ella Fitzgerald. You’ll always be the man who gave me my love of literature & words & poetry & helped teach me how to make the words dance off the page & come alive & sing.

I think of the times lately that I’ve been out with my father, when we’ve been standing in line or I’ve taken him to a doctor’s appointment or we’ve run an errand & I see others looking at him, annoyed or pitying. They see a frail old man bent over a walker with his oxygen, moving at a snail’s pace, holding them up. I want to stop them & walk up to them & say “You’re standing there irritated & annoyed. You think you’re seeing a frail old man in the twilight of his life. Stop a moment & really really look. That is my father. You are looking at Big Daddy.”
                                                                          April 9, 2012

I miss you, Big Daddy. 

an apple an day.....

this is probably all over the internet & i'm way behind the eight ball, as usual. anyway, i came across this & it just made me giggle. for those who don't know me well, i am a member of the cult of apple & have been for a few years. my love affair with apple preceded the first iPhone by two or three years. my brother, tommy, was an early apple devotee. my friend, susan, was also an early fan. both eventually drifted to windows/PC because of the dearth of software applications for everyday uses. my friend kate has used apple for years, so i was no stranger to macintosh before i was converted.

my brother-in-law is brilliant (no exaggeration, really) & quite the computer guy. he is not a fan of windows- in a really big way, not a fan. he always ran linux on their home computers- their poor children never got to play any of the computer games all their other friends did. my desktop got trashed by viruses &  armand kindly cleaned it up & put on anti-virus software for me, i was very grateful. within one week after he did that, my desktop had been hijacked again. one week later, i had purchased my first apple computer (i think it was 2002 or 2003)- that's when i was baptized into the religion. i've been a faithful follower since. i follow apple stock for my investment club & every month i report in glowing terms how apple has outdone itself from the prior quarter. & have you seen the latest? it's going for $450 or so! doubled it's guidance this past christmas retail season. was the biggest company in the world on monday this week! WOW! anyway, the purpose of this post is this picture ......

this is the latest windows upgrade .......................  drumroll please .................

big girl pants

  

so it seems that i am earning some big girl pants- red christmas ones, as a matter of fact! the process started last year. actually, it started last christmas. my sister & her family decided last year that they would fly into norfolk instead of richmond to join us for christmas at my parents in williamsburg. they were arriving the morning after christmas. well, many of us remember last december 26th- the snow started falling christmas evening & didn't stop until there was about 14" on the ground & norfolk airport was shut down. 

 

well, i confess there were some tears as the it dawned on us that we may not be having christmas together. & by christmas i mean the day we have appointed as christmas. i was making a big pot of jambalaya, we were having family friends in for dinner, i had a made a flourless chocolate torte (can you say YUM?) for dessert & some other dishes so we could all eat together. by 5pm sunday evening, kathy let us know that the first flight they could get wasn't until thursday & they were scheduled to leave on friday, so they wouldn't be coming at all. a very sad day.  because, you see, until last year, my sister & i had never spent a christmas apart. so in all my years, since she was born 53 years ago (at that time), we'd always shared our christmases. & now we weren't. it was very sad. she was in chicago with her husband & her two wonderful children & a ton of snow. i was in virginia with a ton of snow, my husband on crutches following an ankle surgery & my wonderful, but aging parents. my mother wasn't feeling well, so that further slowed things down. she spent a lot of time in bed sleeping & recovering. sadie & i took long walks in the snow-which was quite lovely. 

we ended up deciding that we would have a virtual christmas & used gchat. we tried skype, but got a better image from gchat. we showed each other our lovely packages & then unwrapped them & showed each other what we got. it worked okay. here's what christmas looked like before our virtual gift exchange.

my sister had a great time with her family in chicago. my niece has an apartment in chicago & they stayed close to her & enjoyed having a christmas with just their family for the first time. everyone knows how horrid travel at christmas is & if that travel includes travel by air, well......  she's suffered enough! she's been flying east for years. 

so this year, mom & dad said it's just silly for kathy to continue to fly out for christmas. they really wanted danny & i to fly to chicago & spend christmas with them. after all, they said, it's just a day. we'll be fine. we have lots of friends & will be perfectly okay. we'd rather you kids spend it together. (yep, that's how my parents are). danny & i decided that flying out to chicago was not in the cards *** (please see paragraph below for some serious bragging) & that we would stay home & spend christmas with my parents & without my sister.

                                     

which is good for my sister & her family, but sad for us. see sad faces above. we won't be all together with the kids at christmas. my brother came out for a bit of a visit this weekend & kathy decided to come as well, so we had a small family christmas while they were here. it was fun to have the three of us together- it always is when we're all together. it doesn't happen often. so we kind of had christmas together, but mostly not. & this year i'll really earn my bright christmas red big girl pants. sometimes it is really hard to be a true adult. because all i really want to do is pout until i get my way. but i know that's not right. i still want to do it, though. i'll miss you guys- kathy, armand, caitlin, daniel. & i am really glad that you guys get to enjoy a stress free, chicago christmas together- well, at least a part of me is. 

i know we'll talk & gchat on christmas day. & we've been invited to have christmas eve dinner with my good friends in richmond- something i wouldn't have been able to do in past years. so, as is so many things, all lost opportunities include new possibilities & i shall be learning what those are this year as i wear my brand new christmas red big girl pants. if you see me (& you won't be able to miss me in those mega-red underwear), just say hi & merry christmas- how are those big girl pants?

i hope everyone who reads this has a most happy holiday & a great new year. please free to leave comments if you happen to read my blog. i feel like people really do read my blog then. thanks. so happy everything & peace to all. 

****my awesome husband will be starting a low residency MFA in january at university of tampa. he will be on campus 20 days a year; the rest will be distance. he applied to four programs; was accepted by three. his MFA will be focused on writing. i am very proud of him. he starts january 5th, making any christmas travel difficult as far as work goes for him. end of bragging.

bah, humbug

i love christmas! i always have. i've had a history of being overly generous at christmas (i just get so caught up in the season!) & one of the pleasures i've enjoyed for a long time is my habit of shopping year long for christmas presents. if i'm out & about, or happen to be traveling & i see something that i know is just perfect for susan or kathy or gigi or caitlin- well, it is soon purchased & in my possession & under the bed it goes to be stored until christmas. i have some people on my list that are really easy & fun to shop for & i often discover when i go to pull the boxes out that i've way overbought for them & have nothing for others because i forget what i've bought as the year passes. it's like christmas as i discover all the little treasures that i've collected throughout the year & start wrapping.

is that all? where's the rest?

& i love thanksgiving! what a great holiday. relatively without excess (except food, of course). just about gratitude & family & friends. at least, the thanksgivings i grew up with were that way. for the last 10 years, danny & i have rented a place in the outer banks of north carolina & had friends & family down for various parts of the week.

for the past few years, my parents have been unable to come due to health issues & two of the more regular couples that came have been unable to come, so it's just been us. we've enjoyed quiet thanksgivings with ourselves & sadiedog & it's a very relaxing week. if we want turkey for thanksgiving, we have it. if we don't- well, we don't. we are not tied to tradition. if we don't want to cook a big meal, we don't. it's rather liberating, actually! & a great tradition that danny & i intend to continue for a very long time.

so how does the title of this post relate to what i've written? it doesn't sound very 'bah, humbug', does it? until you mention BLACK FRIDAY......  Black Friday has now overtaken thanksgiving, or so it seems. now i love to shop as much as the next person. well, alright, that's not entirely true. i love to shop. a lot. i confess that i've never ventured out the friday after thanksgiving (kind of- i'll qualify that later). when did this Black Friday begin to take on it's own atmosphere?

 it seems to eclipse the holiday of thanksgiving now. although that isn't hard to do with christmas decorations going up right after halloween on november 1st (hats off to nordstrom, who has a policy of never decorating until the day after thanksgiving). this Black Friday thing is crazy though- people getting trampled, waiting in line for hours, stores opening at 12am, 4am, 6am.... i suspect the shoppers are serious shoppers, too. none of the southern gentility that might be present at other times- "no, go ahead. i'm in no hurry."

i am having soooo much fun!

now i have no doubt that there is a combat mentality about all this that unites the shoppers. kind of like 'i survived black friday 2011.' it just seems kind of sad that one of the last major holiday that had nothing to do with shopping has become tainted with this huge event of black friday. & the poor employees having to get up at these ungodly hours to report to work. of course, these are the same employees, usually working for the big box stores that work for mostly minimum wage & already work nights & weekends & long hours. most of them are pretty darn happy to have a job.  then again, i'm sure the customers are very nice & patient & just a joy to provide service to.......

  

 now, having said all that, i do enjoy hitting some stores the day after thanksgiving when i'm at the beach. our tradition of coming to the beach started many years ago when my friend jane owned a place in kitty hawk. we started coming down to spend the weekend of thanksgiving with her- we'd have dinner with the family & leave friday morning. back in those days (1986), thanksgiving weekend was known as an owner's weekend & was usually the last weekend the stores were open for the year, so everything was deeply discounted & jane & i enjoyed getting bargains. we continued that tradition for several years (eventually stopping in the early 1990's, i think) & then my family started renting a place & we came as a family. of course, thanksgiving is no longer an owner's weekend down here. it is big business & the stores still discount deeply. as the outer banks has taken on more of a year round population & feel, more & more stores/services are open year round. there are still many stores that do close for the season; however, some close for january & february only. you can find some pretty good deals. that is the only friday after thanksgiving shopping i've ever done- it doesn't even seem right to call it black friday shopping- it is so much more casual & laid back - although some of the big box stores on the bypass (kmart, walmart, tj maxx) may be more serious.

anyway, that's my lament for days gone by. life was easier then & so on & so on- it was nicer when we weren't so consumer driven, wasn't it?

a confession

as i was getting dressed this morning, it occurred to me that i had a confession to make. after my post yesterday bashing pajama jeans & those who might wear them, i realized that i am guilty of a similar crime. in all fairness, though, i would characterize my crime as a misdemeanor, while pajama jeans are definitely a felony. my misdemeanor is my joyous, blissful wearing of my ugg boots at every opportunity.

i feel so lucky that i can get away with wearing my uggs to work. i annually await the approach of the cooler weather in happy anticipation of the first day the temperature permits the wearing of uggs. uggs are so named because they are ....... UGH!  everyone i know is either neutral or hates them until they try them on. my girlfriend susan was like "meh" until she tried mine on- less than five minutes later we were on the computer ordering her a pair. for those who aren't in the know, uggs are footwear that were developed in australia by surfers who wanted something warm & dry for their feet when they emerged from surfing. they created a boot that is shearling lined with authentic australian sheepskin. the reason i think uggs are a misdemeanor akin to pajama jeans is because wearing them feels like wearing your bedroom slippers. i'm not sure there is a more comfortable outdoor footwear in existence. uggs are made to be worn barefoot & they are soooooo comfortable. of course, when i wear mine, everyone is "i had no idea you were so short" & stuff...  yeah, i am. but, i digress. i thought i should 'fess up since i was so hard on pajama jeans- although they certainly deserved it- there is no doubt they are a fashion felony worthy of mandatory sentencing.  the sentence should be something like one month with tim gunn or heidi klum or something like that. although, heidi was one of the jeggings examples- i'll have to think about that. i wonder if she checked with tim before she wore those?  uggs-  a fashion misdemeanor at worst & maybe not even that. maybe a traffic court kind of thing or a parking ticket? if at all?

here is my ugg collection (they are THAT comfortable).....

two words that should never go together....

well, another long break. i am steadfast in my refusal to be yet another abandoned blog on the web. there are thousands of them. i am always thinking in my head about all these things i can post & write about.. & then along comes a shiny object. 


yesterday, i was packing to come to baltimore, where i am attending some training & ruing the fact that i have no jeans that i wear (i can't remember the last time i wore pants) because i am not happy with the way they look on me. i find myself feeling overdressed almost all the time. my goal is to get back into a pair of jeans. & i won't bore anyone with the details of all of that. so this morning as i was getting dressed, a commercial came on that caught my attention....

pajama jeans

i certainly don't begrudge the concept- nothing wrong with the desire for & being comfortable. however if you are planning on leaving the comfort & sanctity of your home, you should not be clad in anything that has 'pajamas' in the description. there are standards, after all, that supersede comfort. which brings me to my next recent fashion trend that caught my attention...

jeggings

very few of us can pull off jeggings. my personal belief is anytime a new word is blended to describe a new item of clothing- that's a bad sign. clearly, conan cannot pull off jeggings. they don't leave much to the imagination, do they? 

now, of course, there are those who can pull off jeggings & look good in them. my question is- why would they choose to? to me, it's the equivalent of wearing pajama jeans with a designer label. here are a few who can. i am not among them- big surprise there! either is conan!


sienna miller, heidi klum & courtney cox can do it- why do they want to though?

                    

                     

ah- good to be back...

no man (or woman) is an island

For Whom the Bell Tolls

No man is an island, 
Entire of itself. 
Each is a piece of the continent, 
A part of the main. 
If a clod be washed away by the sea, 
Europe is the less. 
As well as if a promontory were. As well as if a manner of thine own 
Or of thine friend's were. 
Each man's death diminishes me, 
For I am involved in mankind. 
Therefore, send not to know 
For whom the bell tolls, 
It tolls for thee.
                - John Donne


today i am diminished. 

and yet more brief follow-ups

well, as i was driving back to my office the other day from a hair appointment, i saw a little boy on his bike with the training wheels & it was the The Family. they had a little boy. so now we know.

i took my car into the dealer last week for the 40k service & asked them to check the back window that rattled. as it turns out, it wasn't the window at all. a bolt had fallen off right below the window & that was creating the rattle. they fixed it for me at no charge. i am also glad to report it was not the same service manager who told me it would be $600 to fix & to turn my radio up.  dad 0, mimi 1.

what a hollow victory!

cars

the back window on my car has been rattling & it is driving me nuts. i mensotioned it to the service guys the last time i took it in to the dealer & after they looked at it, they said it would be $600 to fix it! really? he suggested i turn the radio up, which i thought was pretty dismissive & patronizing. i certainly wasn't going to pay 600. to fix the window. so it still rattles. i'll take it to my neighborhood mechanic & see what he charges. it did remind me of something my father always used to tell us- never get electric windows- they'll always break. now, i'll grant you that this particular piece of wisdom came in the 70's. still... & it got me thinking about my philosophy of cars & relationship with cars. and things my father always said about cars.

besides never getting electric windows, my father also recommended that one never got clocks in cars, as they also always broke. he would instead go up to the neighborhood dart drug (does anyone remember those?- they were scattered across northern virginia, having been founded by a funny looking man also responsible for crown books, one of the first discount booksellers- but i digress) & purchase a small, digital stick-on clock that went on the dashboard & did the job. they were easy to replace if they should break. they were also incredibly hard to read, especially at night.

so, no electric windows & no clocks in cars- they just break. while we did buy cars new, as you can imagine, they were pretty lacking in options. air conditioning, am/fm radio- that was pretty much it. & we kept our cars for a long time. this is a habit that has persisted for all of us hughes children. it is very rare for any of us to give up a car with less than 100, 000 miles on it. growing up, my dad did manage to stumble into some pretty fun cars. for a while we had a VW bug with a sunroof- the kind that you had to crank open. & in our adolescent years (my brother, sister & i were born within 4 1/2 years of each other), he had a firebird (unfortunately it did not perform particularly well). that firebird had an 8 track deck in it- we were pretty groovy. i remember we had the 8-track of workingman's dead. my brother blew out the speakers, so that bit of hipness was short lived. the firebird was pretty dinged & banged up by the time we were done with it. my father didn't get the dings & dents repaired- he said it helped in washington- people tended to stay out of your way with your car looking like that. the firebird was replaced by a car that came to be a family legend known as big blue- the ford ltd. this was sweet piece of machinery. & it was  big! 

this is exactly what big blue looked like, right down to the vinyl roof. you should have seen my mother driving it- she is about 5'1 or 5'2"- her head barely made it over the steering wheel. there was literally about 6-10" of air where the engine ended & the front of the car began. we felt as though the car arrived about 30 minutes before the rest of us did. & it was only a mid-sized car. ford only made these cars for 3 years- they were plagued by low sales- go figure! this was during the time that my dad had learned about buying cars from hertz & avis b/c they were good deals. & you know they were treated well b/c people always treat rental cars well,right?  & like they were their own. big blue had the turning radius of .... i don't know-let's just say that one time i made a u-turn with big blue across 5 lanes & didn't have to back up & the entire family was impressed! i will say big blue could move- she had a V8 & was ready to rock & roll on the highway. one time in williamsburg iwth my brother we drove big blue to the grocery store- it was dark & at night. we later realized we drove big blue across a field- there was no road there. she handled it like a pro. we all had a fondness for big blue & were sorry to see her go. 

the only other car that had the status of a legend in my family was the galaxie. this car achieved it's mythical status by being totaled 3 or 4 times. 

it was stolen twice (& obviously returned to us- i know one time it was found in southeast washington, stripped of its tires), it was in multiple accidents, had it's driver side door ripped off one time & kept on ticking. my sister & i shared this car when she came to va. tech. by the end she had multiple colors- the car was dark green, the hood white, the driver side door was another color. we would get the check from GEICO for the total value of the car & get it fixed with used parts. she also had some power under her hood. it was finally sold to elmer, who happily drove her off to her new home in pulaski. she was a good car who served us well. 

one of the sweetest things that my parents did for us (after paying for our college educations in full- which was really great) was buy each of us a car for a graduation present. a used car, of course. it equipped each of us to begin our adult lives with a car & a degree & no debt. you don't get much better of a start to adulthood & self-sufficiency than that. i ended up with a ford pinto- it was stick shift- which i didn't know how to drive, by the way, but i figured what better way to learn than baptism by fire. & it worked. i'd had that car about a year or two when it was stolen from in front of my house in radford, va (about a block from the tennis courts at radford university), used to hold up a wilco gas station & then taken to a field & set on fire. i was heartbroken because in order to replace it, i had to take on a car loan. i ended up replacing it with a datsun B210, which was a great car. & somewhere along the line- i don't know why- unlike all the rest of my family- i began to like cars & care a little bit about them. i think it was when i got my honda CRX that i started to care a bit more about what i drove. i had decided i liked sportier cars.

i purchased a 1991 CRXsi- this was the last year they made them. it did not have power windows (that option wasn't available for this car).  i always felt i had to give people a diagram on how to work the windows- electric windows were pretty much the rule by then- or power locks. it was a pretty zippy little ride & fun to drive. it was a 2-seater- a hassle at times & a blessing at times. i still miss my CRX. i sold it in 2005 to a firemen who commuted to northern va from fredericksburg (that puppy got  38-40mpg on the highway). it had 140k on it, which was pretty good for a 4 cyclinder.  & now, circling back to the point, until my mini window started acting up, the only car i ever had a problem with windows was the CRX & they were manual windows! i had to have the driver side window fixed several times- it kept getting stuck. i thought i'd bested my dad on a technicality until the stupid mini window issue came along- d'oh! dad wins again! i guess he always will b/c dad does know best!

ps. after mom & dad got rid of big blue, they made the move to honda. since that time, they have owned three hondas, all with electric windows & clocks,  so you see-  you can teach an old dog new tricks. my dad did demonstrate that cars are not something that he committed a great deal of his financial resources to & that value was instilled. while i probably actually enjoy cars more than my siblings, i'm not willing to invest but so many financial resources to a car. in my family, they are viewed primarily as a source of reliable transportation. i deviate from that a bit- but only so much. i do like my cars to be fun to drive! & sadie does look so good in that little red mini!